test drive meme: pre-game opening #1

[jumpscare]

___test drive meme: dead weight edition. Step 1 → Post with the character and journal you're wanting to play. Leave the message blank with your Character's Name | Character's Canon. Step 2 → Other people respond to your thread! Fight zombies, deal with the "fictional character" news, whatever you please. Step 3 → ??? Step 4 → PROFIT! Step 5 → Spread the word! Bring a friend! Make a random announcement on D_M! Get this post to crack the hundreds! It doesn't matter if you end up apping or not! This is a place of fun and meeting new people before the waiting!

Text somewhat shamelessly stolen from assguardians.

Comments

[uncurse]

Please tell me that I'm not the only person here who thinks all of this is completely insane. [ it's really hard to convince emma, ok. 22 episodes hard. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

[To be fair it's 22 episodes of my-mom-looks-as-young-as-me. Whatever, Raylan's just kinda giving her the eye right now. The very judgmental eye that's being given for no other reason... I mean the dude's wearing a cowboy hat. Not much room.]

What? Never snuck downstairs to watch zombie movies when you were a kid?

[uncurse]

I've watched plenty. But, they're just that. Movies. You can't honestly expect me to believe it's real. [ oh wait he's wearing a cowboy hat. he's obviously a backwards hick from texas who also believes global warming isn't real. their perception of reality is skewed and that judgment goes both ways ok. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

Sooo...

[He puts his hand out between them and squints at her.]

Say you get bit by one...

[He turns his hand so his palm faces up and raises his eyebrows.]

That gonna be real or a movie?

[uncurse]

[ that gets the grouchiest of all grouchy looks. ]

That depends on how real you're willing to bet we are. [ were you there for the fictional character seminar, raylan. there was a slideshow. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

[Without warning he reaches out and pinches her shoulder... pretty effing hard.]

How'd that feel?

[uncurse]

[ she instinctively reaches out and punches him pretty hard in the arm for that. what the hell. ] Ow! What the hell?! [ yeah she's a cordelia her inner monologue matches what she says pretty closely. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

[Omg, what a girly punch. She could have at least shot him or something, jeez. Still, he glowers at her.]

Real enough?

[uncurse]

It's really that easy for you, isn't it? [ the most incredulous of faces. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

Yeah.

[He says it in a "psh, guuurl" sorta way because... why isn't this easy? Honestly though he thinks this is pretty fucked up but PEOPLE DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT.]

No sense dwellin' on it.

[uncurse]

[ there's a long stare at that like she isn't sure whether to believe him or not and then finally she just gives up and flatly says, ] You're insane.

[deputyusmarshal]

Ya know, it's the ones that say things like that that end up gettin' killed first. Unless we're goin' for one of those stories with the plot-twists in 'em in which case I,[he emphasizes that by bringing his hand to his chest] will be gettin' it first.

I gotta ask, [he takes a step closer and leans in, squinting at her again] are you a virgin?

[uncurse]

Seriously? [ beat. ] It's the end of the world and I would still never sleep with you. Which makes that approximately none of your business. [ she's in no way shy or ashamed of the fact that she's not -- or of the fact that she has a kid, even, for that matter -- but that doesn't mean she's going to let him get away with being a dick and grilling her about it. seriously, dude? ]

[deputyusmarshal]

[He's tempted to say "but it's not real" but...

He's obviously struggling for words right now and looking off to the side because MIDDLE DISTANCE HOLDS THE ANSWERS.]

You're nice lookin' and all but that wasn't why I was askin'. Not that I wouldn't just... Wow, you really never did watch those movies.

[He leans back away and lets a breath out through his nose. He waves his hand between them to like... ward off evil spirits or some shit.]

Let's stop for a second, rewind and think back to the movies. Virginity's a big survival... thing... I guess.

[And just when you think it's over IT COMES RIGHT BACK.]

... Never?

[uncurse]

I have a kid. Where do you think he came from? [ that aside, ] And, that's sexist. [ because she knows damn well that his virgin status would make no difference. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

[The corners of his mouth turn down for a second as he thinks that over.]

I don't write the movies. Just watch 'em. In any case you probably shouldn't be, you know, having sex during all this. It never turns out well. Well I'm sure it turns out well but... you know what? Never mind.

[uncurse]

Keep this up and I might just shoot you as a preemptive measure. You're looking twitchy, might be infected. [ seriously raylan why are you so fixated on sex; she has no interest in it right now because there are zombies. ]

[deputyusmarshal]

[HE'S NOT FIXATED HE'S JUST... A MAN, DAMMIT. ANYWAY he sort of... chuckles at that.]

You really think you can pull on me?

[uncurse]

I think it takes more than a ten gallon hat and a hokey accent to make me believe otherwise.

[deputyusmarshal]

[Oh, he's fuming now. Lady, it ain't 10 gallons B|]

Tell me, does it take one hour or two to get those jeans on?

[uncurse]

One more thing you'll never need to know.

[deputyusmarshal]

[He holds up a finger to stop the conversation for minute while he gathers himself.]

If I wanted to know I'd have asked "How long's it take to get in those?" But of course a judgmental woman, [he gestures to her] such as yourself, assumes the worst of me.

Being the gentleman I am I'm going to offer you the chance to restart this conversation on the right foot. Ma'am [He puts his hand to his chest again] I'm Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens. [He gestures back to her] And you are?

[uncurse]

Well, since we're waving titles around to see who can pee further ... Sheriff Emma Swan. [ she crosses her arms over her chest, straightening. ] And, for your information, Deputy Marshal Givens, I believe you're the one who needs the reset button. Not me.

[deputyusmarshal]

[Lawl, he peed so much further... I mean... Sheriff? That's nice.]

See? Now you're just bein' difficult.